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Post by fleabittengray on Aug 18, 2007 9:20:02 GMT -5
FROM THE BATTLE OF HORSELNAD! A BOOK I AM WRITING!
May the Battle Begin. Even the youngest must fight for their lives. In this land of good and evil, only the strongest survive. It’s Horseland against the Rouges. Who will win, who will lose, and who will be lost forever? Join these horses and Riders as they fight for their lives. What side will win all three Islands? Good or evil? In this book, the battle begins.
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Post by fleabittengray on Aug 20, 2007 9:07:01 GMT -5
if u think it is good please tell me!
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Post by ~*Speckles*~ on Aug 21, 2007 11:45:05 GMT -5
Sounds like a good start! I find that it is helpful to write out a story line, like different things that happen throughout the book. Get a piece of paper and at the top write how it starts, like you might write 'Prancer stands watching sunset', and that'll be how your book begins, then at the bottom write how it ends, 'Prancer made leader'(this is just an example). Then fill in the middle with what happens in between. I find this very helpful when I go to write stories, helps keep me from burning out in the middle of the book.
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Post by fleabittengray on Aug 21, 2007 11:47:35 GMT -5
i already have the book planned out i will post the characters soon! i used some names from erin hunter but i said i did in my book i would never seal from a fellow author! [
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Post by fleabittengray on Aug 21, 2007 12:06:13 GMT -5
HERE IS MORE!
I GOT THIS IDEA FROM ERIN HUNTER! SO YOU MIGHT SEE SOME NAMES! Horses of Horseland Leader: Bluestar- blue roan mare, tinged with silver around her eyes and ears Apprentice: Rainhoof
Deputy: Tigereye- big dark brown stallion with unusual green eyes
Medicine Horse: Yellowcoat- old palomino mare Apprentice: Beachhoof
Warriors (mares and stallions finished with apprentice training) Whitewind- big white stallion Apprentice: Sandhoof
Darkwind- sleek black and gray stallion Apprentice: Dusthoof
Longtail- pale gray mare with long black tail Apprentice: Swifthoof
Runningwater- swift white mare Apprentice: Cinderhoof
Willowcoat- very pale mare with unusual violet eyes Apprentice: Brakenhoof
Mousefur- small dusky brown mare Apprentice: Firehoof
Grayheart- long-mained solid gray stallion Apprentice: Grayhoof
WestChester- a strong, fast fleabittengray stallion Apprentice: Thunderhoof
Apprentices (three weeks to two months old, in training) Sandhoof- pale ginger filly Dusthoof- dark brown filly Swifthoof- black and white colt Cinderhoof- dark gray filly Apprentices cont. Brakenhoof- golden brown colt Firehoof- an orangey buckskin colt Grayhoof- gray and white colt Rainhoof- fast blue-gray filly with blue eyes Thunderhoof- swift, young, buckskin-palomino pinto colt
Queens (mare expecting or nursing foals) Frostfur- beautiful white coat and hazel eyes Bridelface- pretty pinto Goldenglow- pale ginger Speckletail- pale roan with black spots in her tail, the oldest queen Sundancer- orangey yellow, the youngest queen
Elders (former warriors and queens, now retired) Halfcut- big palomino stallion with a docked tail Smallsight- gray stallion with bad eyesight, the oldest elder Patch- pinto mare One-eye- pale gray mare, virtually blind and the oldest mare Dappletail- dappled gray mare Ashfeet- shadow colored stallion
Horses of the Village (live on Horseland but aren’t warriors) Smudge- plump, friendly black and white colt Barley- black and white stallion Brokensight- longhaired dark brown mare Blackfoot- large white stallion with jet-black hoofs, tail, and mane Clawface- brown stallion with a scarred face, was attacked by a lynx when he was a colt Boulder- silver stallion Raven- sleek black filly with a white tail Princess- a light brown mare with a white chest Cloud- princess’s first filly, a long -haired gray Winter- cheerful, dappled gray mare
Riders (the allies of Horseland)
The Novice Riders: (Riders in training) Lewis Lara Kristi Jesse Mike Corey Marl Judy Irene Tibby Alex Carmen Brittany Emmy Katrisha Erika Tyler
The Expert Riders: (Riders done with training) Leader- Michelle Deputy- Chester Beverly Heather Jessica Stephanie Leah Kim Max Kyle Nicole Ashley Jake Tiffany Monique Todd David
The Rebels (rebel horses and Riders kicked off of the Islands for rebelling against their leaders) Rider Rebels: Leader- Eric Deputy- Joshua Elizabeth Berry Marion Patty Julie Brian Dave Stan Magellan Jim Will Henry Sean
Horse Rebels: Leader- Hunter Deputy- Nightpelt Cinderfur Runningcloud Wetfoot Littlecloud Darkcloud Darkflower Tallglow Ashfur Inca Atacama Navajo Prince Dancer
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Post by blondie13 on Aug 21, 2007 14:01:23 GMT -5
awesome!
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Post by fleabittengray on Aug 21, 2007 14:03:47 GMT -5
here is chap 1 its a little confusing but hey! it gets better!
Chapter 1 “Days start early here! It is a great privilege to be welcomed here, at the Horseland Protection Program!” bellowed Tigereye, the deputy, to the new apprentices Sandhoof and Dusthoof, “You will now be an important part of this island! But be warned, if you chose to stop training, you will be kicked out of the program and sent to the village.” “Can we be kicked off of the island?” asked Sandhoof nervously. “Only if you rebel against Bluestar,” answered Tigereye. “Will we meet her when we get there?” asked Dusthoof. “Of course! You will meet everyone!” Tigereye said. They walked into the camp and met Bluestar. They talked for a little.
“Tornear, I can’t make it. I’m to close to foaling and I haven’t eaten in days! I will have to foal right here,” Brady told him in a faint whisper. “But Horseland’s oceans and seas are three miles away! And the Rebels are less then five yards away! If they catch us…” Tornear didn’t finish. “You see those trees over there? Once we get there, I will have my foal. We will have to ask the Ancestors to protect it.” “What shall we call him or her?” “It depends, we must wait.” The sounds of the Rebels made then gallop as fast as they could. Finally, they made it to the clump of trees. “Here we are!” Brady said. As she lay down to foal, one of the Rebels shot an arrow. It hit Tornear right in the right foreleg. He pulled it out with his teeth and sank onto the ground. “Are you okay?” Brady asked. “Yes, I will be fine,” answered Tornear. Suddenly it started to rain. Just when it started, the foal was born. “It’s a girl!” beamed Tornear. “Yes,” Brady whispered, “But I am to weak to call our Ancestors. Tell them to take our filly, Rain, to Horseland safely.” “Yes, Brady, anything for you,” he said, standing up. After a moment of silence, Tornear laid down again. “Are they coming?” Brady asked. “Yes, they said they would protect her.” “Hello, horses! Are you ready to die?” yelled Eric, humane leader of the Rebels. He raised his spear and whacked Tornear on the head. Dazed, he rolled over onto his side. “NO!” Brady screamed. At exactly the same moment she said this, Eric brought down his spear. There was a flash of light, a dull thud, and everything went black. Meanwhile, in the camp, Sandhoof and Dusthoof were getting to see around. “Hello, WestChester. This is Sandhoof and Dusthoof, the two new apprentices. Would you mind showing them around? I have to get their stalls ready,” Tigereye explained. ‘Yes sir,” WestChester replied, dipping his head. “Sandhoof, Dusthoof, this is WestChester, one of our best warriors.” “Hello,” the two apprentices said. WestChester told them about everywhere he showed them. When the y got to the apprentice den, he stopped. Bowing, he said, “I leave you to fillies here. Your stalls should be ready. Report at the meeting place at when you here Bluestar call. See you later.” “I like that Chester guy. He’s nice!” Sandhoof said. “Yeah, every filly does! Hi, I’m Swifthoof. And this,” he said, indicating the colt next to him, “is my friend, Thunderhoof.” “Hi, are you fillies?” asked Thunderhoof. “Well we aren’t geldings!” answered Sandhoof, swishing her tail. “Well I just wanted to introduce you to some other fillies!” yelled Thunderhoof. “Sorry!” “That’s what they all say!” he grumbled as he stalked off. “I’ll take you to meet them!” Swifthoof offered. Swifthoof took them to the other fillies. They all talked and soon where all friends.
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Post by Windfleet on Aug 21, 2007 14:20:43 GMT -5
More details, but you don't need any more dialouge. >.<
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Post by fleabittengray on Aug 21, 2007 14:40:58 GMT -5
i no that is just the first chapter. i do that all da time ot gets better
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Post by xx.|Tiger|.xx on Aug 21, 2007 17:14:42 GMT -5
Like Windfleet said, use way less dialouge and lots more details. A chapter should be at least 4 pages long. :/
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Post by fleabittengray on Aug 21, 2007 17:16:25 GMT -5
umm thanks! i am still just a beginner anyway
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Post by xx.|Tiger|.xx on Aug 21, 2007 18:49:12 GMT -5
Keep working at it... try roleplaying longer and better, that helps, and read more books and try to mesh there styles not ideas. ^^
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Post by fleabittengray on Aug 22, 2007 12:04:23 GMT -5
lol! u should see my room! dat is all dat is in there! books and horses!
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Post by sunshinepaw on Sept 21, 2007 20:24:16 GMT -5
Make me a copy I love it!!!!!!
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Post by fleabittengray on Sept 22, 2007 16:19:50 GMT -5
ok! i will pm it to u sunshine paw when i finish typeing it in the first few cgaps there is a lot of talking tho
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